MEMORABILIA

SOUND FILES

LYRICS

HARD TO HANDLE THE GARFIN GATHERING FEATURING LYNDA CARTER • 1971

1,2,34 / Baby, here I am, I'm the girl on the scene / I can give you what you want but you got to go home with me / I've a got some good old lovin', but then I got some more in store / When I get through blowin' it on you, you got to come back for more / Girls will come a down by the dozen / There ain't nothin' but ten cent loving / Pretty little thing, let me light your candle / 'Cause baby, I'm sure hard to handle, now, yes I am / Action speaks louder than words and I'm a girl with a great experience / I know you got you another girl, but I can love you better than she did / Take my hand, babe don't be afraid, I'm gonna prove every word I say / I'm advertisin' love for free, so won't you place your ad with me / Girls will come a down by the dozen / there ain't nothin' but ten cent loving / Pretty little thing, let me light your candle / 'Cause baby, I'm sure hard to handle, now, yes I am / Now baby, here I am, I'm a girl on the scene / I can give you what you want, 'cause you come go home with me / I've a got some good old lovin' and I got som more in store / When I get through blowin' it on you, you got to come back for more / Girls will come a down by the dozen / But that ain't nothin' but drug store love / Pretty little thing, let me light your candle / 'Cause baby, I'm sure hard to handle, now, yes I am / Oh yeah / So, give it to me, good lovin' / I can handle it / I want it...
© 1968 Lyrics and music by Otis Redding.

IT MIGHT AS WELL STAY MONDAY PROMOTIONAL 7" SINGLE • A SIDE • UK 1972

Here it is again Monday morning / And I really got the blues / But it don't much matter / I got no need to smile / And I don't think I will for quite a while. Chorus: So it might as well stay Monday from now on / Cause it seems that the only one I ever love is gone / And it just might as well stay Monday from now on / Go away Mr. sun I can't use you / Brighten someone else's life / Let the darkeness hide me and carry off the pain / There's nothing you can do, no nothing you can do / There's Nothing you can do to make things change. / Chorus / Let the darkeness hide me and carry off the pain / There's nothing you can do, no nothing you can do / Nothing you can do to make things change / So it might as well stay Monday from now on / yes it might as well stay Monday from now on / it might as well stay Monday from now on...
© 1969 as performed by Cher.

I BELIEVE IN MUSIC PROMOTIONAL 7" SINGLE • B SIDE • UK 1972

I believe in music / I believe in love / I could just sit around, making music all day long / As long as I'm making music ain't do ... /  Who knows, maybe someday I'll come up with a song / To make people want to stop the fussing and fighting / Long enough to sing along. Chorus: I believe in music / I believe in love / I believe in music / I believe in love / Music is love and love is music if you know what I mean / People who believe in music are the happiest people I've ever seen / So clap your hands and stomp your feet and shake your tambourines / Lift your voices to the sky; gotta love you when you see / Chorus: I believe in music / I believe in love (Everybody sing it!) / I believe in music / I believe in love / Music is the universal language, and love is the key / To brotherhood, peace and understanding, to heaven's harmony / So take your brother by the hand and come along with me / Find out what real love means, be young in his... / Everybody sing it! / I believe in music / I believe in love (Everybody!) / I believe in music / I believe in love / I Believe!
© 1970 as performed by Mac Davis.

SUNDAY SUNRISE MATT HELM: PANIC

It's such a beautiful day that the sky seems to say, good morning / Mister, dust off your shoes, throw away all your blues And start smiling / Take a good around There's no clouds lookin' down upon your way / So won't you decide to come back alive, it's a new day / Sunday sunrise shinin' through my window pane / Chasin' away my cares with all the pourin' rain / Sunday sunrise unfoldin' like a smile / Makin' me feel just like a new born baby child / Well I'm feeling so good I keep knockin' on wood I'm not dreamin' / I hear birds everywhere singing songs in the air with a meanin' / Sayin' it's time to wake up, get a whole new out look from your view / Come on out where it's warm, it won't do any harm if you want to / Sunday sunrise shinin' through my window pane / Chasin' away my cares with all the pourin' rain / Sunday sunrise unfoldin' like a smile / And makin' me feel just like a new born baby child.
© 1979 Lyrics and music by Mark James.

THE LAST SONG 7" SINGLE • A SIDE

You're neither here nor there, but somehow you're eveywhere / Or is that the wind reminding me of how you touched my hair / We used to laugh at time, but wasn't that yesterday / Didn't we touch / Didn't we feel / Didn't the music play / It's the last song I'm ever gonna hear / It's the last song that makes me feel you're near / It was the last dream that ever had a chance of coming true / The music of my life has gone with you / Why can't the past begin / Why did the future end / Would it betray a memory if I could love again / We never reached the sun, not cause we didn't try / We were so close, we were so warm, why did the music died / It's the last song I'm ever gonna hear/ It's the last song that makes me feel you're near / It was the last time that I ever shared the feelings that we knew / The music of my life has gone with you.
© 1980 Lyrics and music by R. Miller / K. Hirsch.

WHAT'S A LITTLE LOVE BETWEEN FRIENDS 7" SINGLE • B SIDE

I can see you're feeling down, did your lover push you round / And would you like to sit and talk it over / I  see the hunger in your eyes / I try my best to satisfy / Come here and lay your head upon my shoulders / Cause we know it's not the real thing baby / oh so what's the use in trying to pretend / We're just like sister and brother / And now we need each other / What's a little love between friends / We must have read each other's mind / cause you came just in the nick of time / Another lonely night two old friends can share / Oh but surely this can do no harm / It feels so good here in your arms / Even if this whole thing is wrong, I don't care / Cause we know it's not the real thing honey / oh so what's the use in trying to pretend / We're just like sister and brother / And now we need each other / What's a little love between friends / What's a little love between friends / What's a little love between friends...
© 1980 Lyrics and music by B. Burnette - L. Henley.

WILDFLOWER THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW

She's faced the hardest times you can imagine / And many times her eyes fought back the tears / And when her youthful world was about to fall in / Each time her slender shoulders / Bore the weight of all her fears / And a sorrow no one hears / She rings in midnight silence / in her ears / Let her cry, for she's a lady / Let her dream, for she's a child / Let the rain fall down upon her / She's a free and gentle flower, growing wild / If by chance you should hold her / And you  hold her for a time / It allowed just one possession / You picked her from the garden for one time / Be careful how you touch her for she’ll awaken / And sleep’s the only freedom that she knows / And when you walk into her eyes you won’t believe / The way she’s always paying for a debt she never owes / And a silent wind still blows that only she can hear / And so she goes / Let her cry, for she’s a lady / Let her dream, for she’s a child / Let the rain fall down upon her / She’s a free and gentle flower, growing wild.
© 1972 Lyrics by David Richardson.

RUNAWAY THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW

As I walk along I wonder / what went wrong with our love / a love that was so strong / And as I still walk on  I think of / the things we've done together / While our hearts were young / And I'm walkin' in the rain / Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain / Wishin' you were here by me / To end this misery / And I wonder, I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder / Why, why-why-why-why-why / You ran away and I wonder where if you will stay / My little runaway, run-run-run-run-runaway / And as I still walk on, I think of / the things we've done together / while our hearts were young / And I'm walkin' in the rain / Tears are fallin' and I feel the pain / Wishin' you were here by me / To end this misery / And I wonder, I wa-wa-wa-wa-wonder / Why, you ran away and I wonder where if you will stay / My little runaway, run-run-run-run-runaway...
© 1961 Lyrics and music by Del Shannon.

WE ARE FAMILY THE MIKE DOUGLAS SHOW

We are family / I got all my sisters with me / We are family / Get up ev'rybody and sing / Ev'ryone can see we're together / As we walk on by / (Fly) and we fly just like birds of a feather / I won't tell no lie / (All) all of the people around us they say / Can they be that close / Just let me state for the record / We're giving love in a family dose / We are family / I got all my sisters with me / We are family / Get up ev'rybody and sing / Living life is fun and we've just begun / Your get a share of the world's delights / (High) high hopes we have for the future / And our goal's in sight / (We) no we don't get depressed / Here's what we call our golden rule / Have faith in you and the things you do / You won't go wrong / You are the  family Jewel / We are family / I got all my sisters with me / We are family / Get up ev'rybody and sing / We are family...
© 1979 Lyrics by Berbard Rodgers and Nile Rodgers..

LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH DES O'CONNOR TONIGHT

There's a rose in the fisted glove / And the eagle flies with the dove / And if you can't be with the one you love / Love the one you're with / Love The One You’re With / When you're down and confused / And you don't remember who you're talking to / Concentration, slips away / Because your baby is so far away / Well there's a rose in the fisted glove / And the eagle flies with the dove / And if you can't be with the one you love, honey / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Now, don't be angry, don't be sad / And don't sit crying over good times you've had / Get it together, and make it nice / You ain't gonna need any more advice / There's a rose in the fisted glove / And the eagle flies with the dove / But if you can't be with the one you love, honey / Love the one you're with, / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Love the one you're with / Doo doot doot doot doot doot doot doot…
© 1979 Lyrics and music by Stephen Stills.

BACK IN THE U.S.A. LIVE IN THE UK • THE PARKINSON SHOW

Oh well, oh well, I feel so good today / I just touched ground on an international runway / Jet propelled back home, from over the seas to the U.S.A. / New York, Los Angeles, oh, how I yearned for you, yeah / Detroit, Chicago, Chattanooga, Baton Rouge / Got alone just to be at my home back in ol' St. Lou. / Did I miss the skyscrapers, did I miss the long freeway? / From the coast of California to the shores of Delaware Bay / You can bet your life I did, till I got back to the U.S.A.  / Yeah, yeah / Looking hard for a drive-in, searching for a corner caé / Where hamburgers sizzle on an open grill night and day / Yeah, and a juke-box jumping with records like in the U.S.A. / Well, I'm so glad I'm livin' in the U.S.A. / Yes. I'm so glad I'm livin' in the U.S.A.  / Anything you want, we got right here in the U.S.A. / I'm so glad... / I'm so glad... / I'm so glad...
© 1970 Lyrics by Chuck Berry.

ALWAYS LIVE IN THE UK • THE PARKINSON SHOW

I'll be loving you always, with a love that's true always / When the things you've planned, need a helping hand, I will understand, always / Always / Days may not be fair, always / That's when I'll be there, always / Not for just an hour, not for just a day, not for just a year but always.
© 1925 as by Irving Berlin.

BOB HOPE TRIBUTE HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOB!

The minute you walked in the joint / I could tell you were a man of distinction / A real life legend / Good looking, so refined / Say wouldn't you like to know what's going on in my mind? /
Let me get right to the point / I don't pop my cork for every guy I see / Hey, Bob honey / Free and funny / Hey, Bob honey / Spend a little time with me / yeah // Thank heaven for Robert Hope / Somehow he's getting younger everyday / Thank Heaven for Robert Hope / He chrams up in the most delightful way / Those flashing eyes so wicked and appealing / one day will flash and send you crashin' thru the ceilin' / Thank Heaven for Robert Hope / Thank Heaven for his jokes / Some of them old, some of them new / Without them what would you and I do / Thank Heaven / Thank Heaven / Thank Heaven for Robert Hope // I wanna go along on that famous road / You and me/ Ease on down / Ease on down the road / You and me / It is so invating / Nice and slow / Come on ease on down / ease on down the road / On the road to Bali or to Mandalay / With my own I'm on my way / On the road to Rio or to Singapore / Can keep me laughing while I play for more / Ease on down, ease on down the road / Don't you carry nothing like a heavy load / Come on Ease on down ease on down the road / Happy Birthday to you Mr. Hope!
© 1928 as lyrics by Dorothy Fields, music by Cy Coleman // Music by Frederick Loewe, lyrics by Alan Jay Lerner // Lyrics by Charlie Smalls.

I GOT THE MUSIC IN ME LIVE • THE SANDS CASINO • ATLANTIC CITY 7/12/82

Hey, I ain't got no trouble in my life / No foolish dream to make me cry / I'm never frightened or worried / I know I'll always get by / I heat up / (I heat up) / I cool down ( I cool down) / When something gets in my way I go round it / Don't let life get me down / Catch a hold of my blues and just play them / I got the music in me, Lord / I got the music in me, Lord / I got the music in me, Lord / I got the music in me, Lord / I got the music in me, Lord / I got the music in me / They say that life is a circle / But that ain't the way taht I've found it / Gonna move in a straight line / Keeping my feet firmly on the ground / I heat up / (I heat up) / I cool down ( I cool down) / When something gets in my way I go round it / Don't let life get me down / Catch a hold of my blues and just play them / Feel funky / Feel good / Gonna tell ya, I'm in the neighbourhood / Gonna fly like a bird on the wing / Hold on to your hat honey / Sing, sing, sing, sing / I heat up / (I heat up) / I cool down ( I cool down) / When something gets in my way I go round it / Don't let life get me down / Catch a hold of my blues and just play them / Ain't got no trouble in my life / No foolish dream to make me cry / I'm never frightened or worried / I know, I know I'll always get by / I got the music, sweet music / I got the music in me...
© British Rocket Music. Originally recorded by The Kikki Dee Band.

BOY FROM NEW YORK CITY LIVE • THE SANDS CASINO • ATLANTIC CITY 7/12/82

Oo ah oo ah oo oo, Kitty, tell us about the boy from New York City / Oo ah oo ah come on, Kitty, tell us about the boy from New York City / He's kinda tall, he's really fine / Someday I hope to make him mine, all mine / And he was sweet and oh, so sweet, and the way he looked at me just swept me off my feet / Ooh! / Oo ee you oughta come and see, the way he walks,  the way he talks / Oo ah oo ah oo oos Kitty, tell us about the boy from New York City / He's really down and he was no clown / He has the finest penthouse / I've ever seen in town / An he's cute in his sweating suit / And he keeps his pockets full of spending loot / Oo oo ee, come and see, the way he walks, the way he talks / Everytime he wants to kiss me he makes me feel so fine / Oo oo oo, that's him / Alright he's the boy from New York City...  Oo ah oo ah oo oo...
© 1965 Trio Music. Music: George Dans. Lyrics: John Taylor.

COME RAIN OR COME SHINE / CAN'T HELP LOVING THAT MAN BOB HOPE BUYS NBC?

I'm gonna love you like nobody's loved you / Come rain or come shine / High as a mountain and deep as a river / Now, won't that be fine? / The days may be cloudy or sunny / We're in or we're out of some money / But I'm with you always / I'm with you  rain or shine /Fish got to swim and birds got to fly / I got to love one man 'til I die / Can't help loving that man of mine / Ohh Ohh / He can stay home as long as can be / For without him ain't no home for me / Can't help loving that man of mine / And I'm gonna love you like nobody does / Come rain or come shine / Happy together or unhappy together / Now won't that be fine? / The days may be cloudy or sunny / We're in or we're out of some money / But I'm with you always / I'm with you  rain or come shine.
© 1946 by Johnny Mercer and Harold Arlen // © 1927 Lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II, Music by Jerome Kern.

YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG / YOU'RE AN OLD SMOOTHIE BOB HOPE BUYS NBC?

You make me feel so young (I do) / You make me feel so Spring has sprung! / And every time I see you grin / I'm such a happy, individual! / You make me feel so young / You make me feel there are songs to be sung... /  Bells to be rung / An' a wonderful fling to be flung! / And even when I'm old an' grey... / I'm gonna feel the way I do today! /  'Cause you... / You make me feel so young! / You're an old smoothie / a craftie old softie / you're a tribute to the magic of medic care / You're an old smoothie / a craftie old bounder / you're such a challenge to delight of a girl like me / You make me feel so / I make you feel so / You make me feel so young.
© 1946 by Mack Gordon, music by Joseph Myrow. / © 1932 by Nacio Herb Brown, B.G. De Sylva, Richard Whiting.

LET THERE BE SONG RITA HAYWORTH: THE LOVE GODDESS

Today's the day to make way for tomorrow / Strike up the band for a brand new tomorrow / Out of the blue comes the call / Let there be music for all / Let's have an end to despair / Over here! Over there! / Night is through and a new dawn is breaking / Here on a beam is a dream in the making / Let every heart beat a drum / They're beating for great days to come / Let there be song everywhere / In a world that the world can share. 

© 1946 by Mack Gordon, music by Joseph Myrow. / © 1932 by Nacio Herb Brown, B.G. De Sylva, Richard Whiting.

PUT THE BLAME ON MAME RITA HAYWORTH: THE LOVE GODDESS

When they had the earthquake in San Francisco / Back in nineteen-six / They said that ol' Mother Nature / Was up to her old tricks / That's the story that went around / But here's the real low-down / Put the blame on Mame, boys / Put the blame on Mame / One night she started to shimmy-shake / That brought on the Frisco quakes / So you can put the blame on Mame, boys / Put the blame on Mame / They once had a shootin' up in the Klondike / When they got Dan McGrew / Folks were putting the blame on The lady known as Lou / That's the story that went around / But here's the real low-down / Put the blame on Mame, boys / Put the blame on Mame / Mame did a dance called the hoochy-coo / That's the thing that slew McGrew / So you can put the blame on Mame, boys / Put the blame on Mame
© 1946 by Allan Roberts and Doris Fischer.

I'M ALRIGHT / GREAT BALLS OF FIRE BOB HOPE EASTER SPECIAL

I'm alright / Nobody worry 'bout me / Why you got to gimme a fight? / Can't you just let me be? / I'm alright / Don't nobody worry 'bout me / Why you got to gimme a fight / Why don't you just let me be / Do what you like / Doing it nat'rally / But if it's too easy / They're gonna disagree / It's your life / And isn't it a mystery / If it's nobody's bus'ness / It's everybody's game / Gotta catch you later / No, cannonball away // You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain / Too much love drives a man insane / You broke my will, oh what a thrill / Goodness gracious great balls of fire / I learned to love all of Hollywood money / You came along and you moved me honey / You broke my will, oh what a thrill / Goodness gracious great balls of fire /  You kissed me baby, wooo.... it feels good / Hold me darling, I gotta love you like a lover should / Your fine, so kind / Gonna show the  world that your mine mine mine mine-ine / I cut my nails and I quiver my thumb / I'm really nervous but it sure is fun / Come on baba, you drive me crazy
/ Goodness gracious great balls of fire /
I'm alright / Nobody worry 'bout me / Why you got to gimme a fight? / Can't you just let me be? / I'm alright / Don't nobody worry 'bout me / Why you got to gimme a fight / Why don't you just let me be / I'm Alright... / Alright / Alright... / Nobdy worry 'bout me.
© 1972 by Kenny Loggins / © 1957 by Jerry Lee Lewis.

EASTER MEDLEY BOB HOPE WITH HIS EASTER BUNNIES AND OTHER FRIENDS

In your Easter bonnet, with all the frills upon it / You'll be the grandest lady in the Easter parade / I'll be all in clover, and when they look you over / I'll be the proudest lady in the Easter parade / I'm puttin on my top hat / Gettin on my white tie / Dusting off my tails / When there's a shine on your shoes / There's a melody in your heart ( What a wonderful way to start today / East is east and west is west / And the wrong one I have chose / Let's go where I'll keep on wearin' / Those frills and flowers and buttons and bows / Rings and things and buttons and bows / When you wore a tulip / A big yellow tulip / And I wore a big red rose / When you caressed me / 'twas then Heaven blessed me / What a blessing, no one knows / You made life cheery / When you called me dearie / 'Twas down where the blue grass grows / Your lips were sweeter than julep / When you wore that tulip / And I wore a big red rose / In my sweet little Alice blue gown / When I first wandered down into town / I was so proud inside / As I felt every eye / And in every shop window I primped, passing by /  On the avenue, Fifth Avenue / The photographers will snap us / And you'll find that you're in the rotogravure / Oh, I could write a sonnet, about your Easter bonnet / And of the guy I'm taking to the Easter Parade.
© 1948 by Irving Berlin / © 1948 Words and music by Jay Livingstone and Ray Evans / © 1914 Words By Jack Mahoney and Music by Percy Wenrich / © 1920 by Joseph McCarthy and Harry Tierney.

OUT HERE ON MY OWN THE LATE SHOW STARRING JOAN RIVERS

Sometimes I wonder where Ive been / Who I am, Do I fit in / Make believein is hard alone / Out here on my own / Were always provin who we are / Always reachin / For that risin star / To guide me far / And shine me home / Out here on my own / When Im down and feelin blue / I close my eyes so I can be with you / Oh, baby be strong for me / Baby belong to me / Help me through / Help me need you / And when the morning sun appears / Making light / Of all my fears / I dry the tears / Ive never shown / Out here on my own / But when Im down and feelin blue / I close my eyes so I can be with you / Oh, baby be strong for me / Baby, belong to me / Help me through / Help me need you / Sometimes I wonder where Ive been / Who I am, Do I fit in / I may not win / But I cant be thrown / Out here on my own / Out here on my own.
© 1979 by Irene Cara.

SOMEHOW I'LL GO ON THEME FROM LIGHTNING IN A BOTTLE

Somehow I'll go on, though the road's unknown to me / Somehow I will drive to be brave and strong / There were times when life was good to me, just as good as life can be / Somewhere there's a way / Somewhere there's a place for me / I'll forget the past to be free at last / I know someone's waiting there for me / And he'll care for me while I'm gone / Yes, I know, somehow I'll go on / I know, somehow I'll go on.
© 1993 by Les Baxter. Lyrics and music by Les Baxter.

WHEN YOU'RE GOOD TO MAMA CHICAGO • THE MUSICAL • LONDON 2005

ANNOUNCER: And now Ladies and Gentlemen / The keeper of the keys / The countess of the clink / The mistress of murderer's row / Matron Mama Morton... / MAMA sings: Ask any of the chickies in my pen / They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen / I love them all and all of them love me / Because the system works the system called reciprocity / Got a little motto / Always sees me through / When you're good to Mama / Mama's good to you / There's a lot of favors / I'm prepared to do / You do one for Mama / She'll do one for you / They say that life is tit for tat / And that's the way I live / So I deserve a lotta tat / For what I've got to give / Don't you know that this hand / Washes that one too / When you're good to Mama / Mama's good to you / [Dialogue] / VELMA:  Look at this, Mama. The tribune calls me the crime of the year. And the News says "Not in memory do we recall so fiendish and horrible a double homicide." / MATRON: Ah, Baby, you can’t buy that kind of publicity. You took care of Mama and Mama took care of you. I talked to Flynn. He set your trial date for March the 5th. March 7th you’ll be aquitted. And March 8th – do you know what Mama’s gonna do for you? – She’s gonna start you on a vaudeville tour. / VELMA:  I been on a lot of vaudeville tours. What kinda dough are we talking about? / MATRON: Well, I been talkin’ to the boys at William Morris and due to your recent sensational activities I can get you twenty-five hundred. / VELMA: Twenty-Five Hundred!?! The most me and Veronica ever made was three fifty. / MATRON: That was before Cicero, before Billy Flynn, and before Mama. / VELMA: Mama, I always wanted to play Big Jim Colisimo’s. Could you get me that? / MATRON: Big Jim’s! Well now, that’s another story. That might take another phone call. / VELMA: Uh-huh. And how much would that phone call cost? / MATRON: You know how I feel about you Vel. You’re like family. I’ll do it for fifty bucks. / VELMA: Fifty bucks for a phone call? You must get a lot of wrong numbers, Mama. / MAMA sings: If you want my gravy/ Fezzle my Ragu / Spice it up for Mama / She'll get hot for you / When the pass that basket / Folks contribute to / You put in for Mama / She'll put out for you / The folks that stop the ladder / Are The ones the world adores / So boost me up my ladder kid / And I'll boost you up yours / Let's all stroke together / Like the Princeton Crew / When you're strokin' Mama / Mama's strokin' you / So what's the one conclusion / I can bring this number to? / When you're good to Mama / Mama's good to you / Aww Yeah!
© 1975 Lyrics by Fred Ebb, and music by John Kander.

CLASS CHICAGO • THE MUSICAL • LONDON 2005

MARY SUNSHINE: Mrs. Hart’s behavior throughout this ordeal has been truly extraordinary… /
VELMA: I bet it has. / MARY SUNSHINE: Seated next to her attorney, Mr. Billy Flynn, she weeps…
But she fishes in her handbag and cannot find a handkerchief… / VELMA: Handkerchief? / MARY SUNSHINE: … finally, her attorney, Mr. Flynn, hands her one… / VELMA:  That’s my bit. / MATRON: Shhh… I want to hear. / MARY SUNSHINE: The poor child has had no relief. She looks around now, bewildered, seeming to want something. Oh, it’s a glass of water. The bailiff has brought her one. / VELMA: A glass of water! That’s mine too! / MARY SUNSHINE: Mrs. Hart, her usual gracious self, thanks the bailiff and he smiles at her, she looks simply radiant in her stylish dress and elegant silver shoes. / VELMA: With rhinestone buckles? / MARY SUNSHINE: With rhinestone buckles. / MATRON: Velma, take it easy! / VELMA: But those were my shoes and she stole ‘em! / MATRON: Well, you shouldn’t have left them layin’ around. / VELMA: First she steals my publicity, my lawyer, my trial date, and now my shoes. / MATRON: Well, waddya expect? She’s a low brow. The whole world’s gone low brow. Things ain’t what they used to be. / VELMA: They sure ain’t Mama. It’s all gone. / MAMA: Whatever happened to fair dealing? / And pure ethics / And nice manners? / Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass? / Whatever happened to class? / Class. / Whatever happened to, "Please, may I?" / And "Yes, thank you?" / And "How charming?" / Now, every son of a bitch is a snake in the grass / Whatever happened to class? / Velma and Matron: Class! Ah, there ain't no gentlemen / To open up the doors / There ain't no ladies now,/ There's only pigs and whores / And even kids'll knock ya down / So's they can pass / Nobody's got no class! / Velma: Whatever happened to old values? / Matron: And fine morals? / Velma: And good breeding? / Matron: Now, no one even says "oops" when they're / Passing their gas / Whatever happened to class? / Velma: Class / Velma and Matron: Ah, there ain't no gentlemen / That's fit for any use / And any girl'd touch your privates / For a deuce /
Matron: And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass / Velma: And even kids'll kick your shins and give you sass / Velma and Matron: Nobody's got no class! / Velma: All you read about today is rape and theft / Matron: Jesus Christ, ain't there no decency left? / Velma and Matron:
Nobody's got no class / Matron: Everybody you watch / Velma: 'S got his brains in his crotch / Matron: Holy crap / Velma: Holy crap / Matron: What a shame / Velma: What a shame / Velma and Matron: What became of class?
© 1975 Lyrics by Fred Ebb, and music by John Kander.
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